21 diciembre 2008

"Salvar el trasero" vs. "Caerse del guindo"

Apasionante combate Salvar el trasero” versus “Caerse del guindo Sin límite de asaltos Todo tipo de trampas y marrullerías deportivas. Gran Palacio de Los Deportes “La Desgracia Española”

Apuestas: Todos están obligados a apostar. Los que menos tengan, deberán apostar más. Los que más, menos o nada. No habrá limites para dejar claro que hay libertad de apuestas. Advertencia: Toda la recaudación irá a parar indefectiblemente a la bolsa “Salvar el trasero”. Aunque los anteriormente mencionados, animan a apostar todo lo que tengas, los organizadores aconsejan que sólo lo hagan aquellos que no tengan nada que perder. El que avisa no es traidor. Los equipos: De momento hay un aparente empate numérico de unos cinco millones cada uno. A saber: “Salvar el trasero” formado por: todos los que tienen carnet de partido político o sindical, el millón y medio de funcionarios (que sobran), asesores, amiguetes, simpatizantes, subvencionados, liberados, enchufados, comprados, y por supuesto los banqueros. “Caídos del guindo” formado principalmente por unos tres millones de "parados oficiales", otro millón de "parados de tapadillo", y un número incierto de estudiantes, autónomos y pequeños empresarios arruinados y por supuesto, todos los que van a comedores de Cáritas. El público: Se prevé una afluencia desmesurada aunque ésta se irá reduciendo a medida que empiecen a formar parte de cualquiera de los equipos contrincantes. Pronóstico: Ningún comentarista se atreve a dar un claro ganador pero sí se aventuran a describir el turbio ambiente que se respira antes del combate y hacer una aproximación de los dos equipos destacando sus debilidades, puntos fuertes y mejores atletas.

Los “Salvar el trasero” parten con ventaja y se están entrenando a fondo desde hace algunos meses. No muchos meses, porque les costó vencer su natural vagancia, que algunos definen como talante. Se cuenta que empezaron a espabilar cuando algunos amiguetes dedicados a poner un ladrillo sobre otro dejaron de ponerlos. Otros dicen que fue cuando vieron gente descolgarse del guindo. El caso es que desde sus diecisiete fincas de primavera, verano, otoño e invierno localizadas en Galicia, Andalucía, Cataluña, etcétera, siguieron haciendo músculo comprándose coches para tunearlos y otras tontunas y baratijas de millones de euros para presumir delante de los amiguetes y detrás de los “colgaos”. Miraban al guindo y notaban cierto movimiento anormal. Miraban la caja y aún quedaba mucha “pasta”. Esto les tranquilizaba. Pero los “caídos”, aparte de murmurar, les dirigían torvas miradas; algunos incluso les echaban el mal de ojo y otros les miraban de forma amenazadora su culo mientras daban patadas al envase de yogur caducado que se acababan de tapiñar. La alarma empezó a cundir entre los “salvar el trasero” y, echando mano de toda la pasta, se la dieron a sus amigos los banqueros para que pudieran pagar lo que debían, hacer frente a las deudas de las diecisiete fincas autónomas y otro tanto a los chiringuitos llamados ayuntamientos que debían otros cuantos miles de millones. De esta forma, de momento, han salvado su culo y el de su prole. Entre sus principales atletas se cuenta uno muy astuto que recibe muchos alias: unos cortos como “Faroles” y otros largos como “de la A a la Z, pasas por la P y tiro porque me toca”. Hasta ahora, a la suerte la tiene más que engañada. Es todo un espectáculo verlo hacer fintas con la no verdad sin perder la sonrisa. La silla que tiene en el cuadrilátero, es prestada. Hay otro que llaman el “Rajao”. No se sabe bien si es por que se amilana o por las heridas (rajas) recibidas en los muchos combates que ha perdido. Es, con diferencia, el mejor fajador conocido. Hostia que se pierde, ahí está él para encajarla sin pestañear. Debe haber perdido algún piño, porque al hablar se le escapa el aire produciendo un peculiar silbido. Los dos tienen un grupo de fervientes animadoras. Muy bien conjuntadas ellas con trajes de reconocidos modistos, sí señor. El objetivo de “los salvar el trasero” es que no haya deserciones del guindo para que sigan echando apuestas perdedoras. Los “Caídos del guindo” son harto peligrosos porque su entrenamiento es constante y están acostumbrados a soportar condiciones de espartana austeridad. No porque ellos quieran, sino porque no les queda otra. Su ventaja es la gran afiliación que están teniendo -de unos ocho mil al día- y que se estima irá en alza. Les pierde su falta de organización y con frecuencia se pelean entre ellos porque aún no se reconocen del mismo equipo. Se contienen porque les caen algunas migajillas que les dan “Los Salvar el trasero” para que no enloquezcan de desesperación. Eso sí, el mosqueo de algunos ha dejado de ser sordo y empiezan a animar a otros a que abandonen su parálisis. Los más decididos empiezan a tenerlo muy claro cuando perciben que sus hijos se han quedado sin futuro y tendrán que pagar -ellos, sus hijos y sus nietos- lo que se están gastando los “Salvar el trasero” en sus descontroladas fiestas y constantes viajes. Los retoños caídos, empiezan a desmadrarse a base de tirar piedras y “cubatas molotovs”. La tienen tomada con los escaparates, contenedores de basuras y los uniformes. Sus padres los miran con preocupación y los “Salvar el trasero” con justificado canguelo. No se conoce atleta destacado alguno entre “los caídos”. Esto es malo para el equipo “Salvar …” porque no saben con quién practicar “comer el coco” -el arte pugilístico que mejor dominan para dejar “sonao” al adversario-. Esto lo compensan a base de comprar (nunca con su dinero) televisiones y prensa para narcotizarlos, dejarlos embobados en los sofás y finalmente dormidos como angelitos. Los “caídos del guindo” empiezan a hacer “trueque” entre ellos. No como arma (aún) para atacar a “Los salvar …”, sino porque no les queda dinero. Si esta práctica se generaliza, sería fatal para “Los salvar …” porque sus cajas recaudadoras quedarían famélicas. Al único personaje que se conoce ligado a “los caídos…” es “el mono de los cojones” (véase foto) que por un cigarrillo hace de mensajero entre los que aún siguen en el guindo y los que ya se han bajado. Su primer objetivo (de “los caídos”, no del mono) es hacer que los que aún no se han caído del guindo, se animen a hacerlo y dejen de darle pasta a “Los salvar el trasero”.

¡Daaaaamas y caballeros!


A un lado, “Los salvar el trasero”. Al otro, “Los caídos del guindo” ¡Segundos fuera! Empieza el combate


Nota de prensa Esta clave de humor de nuestra más cruda y seria realidad, está dedicada a todos los amigos que visitan este blog y especialmente a todas las PERSONAS que puedan sentirse solas estas Navidades. Desear un Próspero Año, más que un eufemismo, sería una broma de mal gusto. Mejor recuperar un acertado consejo de nuestros mayores: Sean Buenos y Gasten Poco.




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74 comentarios:

Troglo Jones dijo...

Pero ¿qué dices Millass? Eres un subversivo. No sé si llamarte antisistema, que está de moda. Yo, por supuesto, me caigo del guindo, que el que es del aleti lo será siempre. La victoria más rotunda, aunque estemos en...Segundaaa.

Un abrazo, y Feliz Navidad.

ESTHER dijo...

HOLA MILLASS,

Uauuuuuuhhhhhhh! Qué bueno el tema de Charles Mingus "Freedom". Genial, maravilloso. No hay palabras. En realidad todos. Millass, nos une la música. Buena selección. Me gusta Jane Bunnett y sus Elements Of Freedom.

Deseo para el próximo año más Igualdad, Justicia, Libertad y Fraternidad.

Y para ti, lo mejor del mundo!!! Que seas feliz por encima de todo. Y que sigas haciéndonos tan buenos relatos y tan buenas selecciones musicales.

UN FUERTE ABRAZO.

millass dijo...

Jejeje Troglo. Hace nada me llamabas rebelde y ahora subversivo. ¿Lo vés? Si está clarísimo: son los del ano prieto los que se cargan el sistema y le echan la culpa a los del guindo. Menos mal que tenemos a los sufridores del atleti como guardia pretoriana. To controlao.

Un abrazo

millass dijo...

Lo sabía, lo sabía. Sabía que te iba a gustar Jane Bunnet. A Mingus lo daba por descontado.

Yo también te deseo lo mejor de lo mejor y me sumo a tu lema.

Ah! preciosa la poesía que has dejado en el comentario de Troglo.

Pásatelo bien. Un abrazote

solojazz dijo...

Allá a lo lejos escucho la conversación con música de fondo y me resulta familiar y agradable.

Abrazos y que la pasen bien.

ele de lauk dijo...

Cómo me gusta ! No freedom for me...
Me hice seguidora de tu blog . De nada , lo mereces.:=)

millass dijo...

Desde la lejanía, alzaré mi copa y haré un brindis a la cercanía de los amigos.

¡Va por tí, Armando!

millass dijo...

Si te has hecho seguidora de este blog, es porque llegaste al final de la página. Gracias.
Llevo media mañana sumergido en el tuyo, y creo que aún seguiré un buen rato más.

Bienvenida, Ele

Santiago dijo...
Este comentario ha sido eliminado por el autor.
Santiago dijo...

Hola amigo:
Efectivamente son los que llaman a otros "antisistema" los que se cargan el "sistema". ¡Tiene cojones la cosa! No me había dado cuenta.
Grande Millass, grande tu alegoría. A ver si vamos a tener que ponernos otra vez a empujarle a la estaca cada uno por lado, tendría poca gracia, pero si me necesitas para lo que sea... silba.
Salud y fuerte abrazo.

millass dijo...

Pues sí, amigo Santiago, también son ellos los que están trastocando (por subversivos) toda la lógica, la moral y el más común de los sentidos. ¿Cómo no va a haber falta de confianza si todos los días siembran un campo?
¿Qué diremos a nuestros hijos para explicar esta surrealista realidad?
En fín, tengamos estas fiestas en paz.
Un abrazo

Mamen dijo...

Qué razón tienes Millass, yo por supuesto me caigo del guindo, ahí va mi voto.

(Si es que siempre fui una pringada, a ver...)

millass dijo...

Eso, Mamen. Somos unos pringaos. Pero de los de toma pan y moja. De los guanchis. ¡Qué leches!

MabelBe dijo...

Hola amigo. Pasó algo con Jolie Holland, la había perdido. De repente recordé. Y ahí me dí cuenta que también te había perdido de vista a vos.
Que bien que casi todo puede remediarse.
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MabelBE dijo...

Diciembre de 2009... dónde andás?

El tema que buscaba no era "Travelling" de Metheny, sino "Places" de Garbarek. Que placer.

Salud. Y presencia, porfa.
Mabel.

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Millas, por favor, vuelve al debate, no hemos hecho mas que empezar.... Me queda mucho fuelle... Ademas lamento que hayas tenido una rencilla con Leona Catalana. Quiero debatir de veras, pero quiero que te dirijas a nosotros con otro tono. No hemos abierto el blog para que vengan a llamarnos ignorantes o cosas parecidas, es mas estoy seguro que cuando leas lo que he contestado, veras que no soy ningun ignorante. Eso si, has de reconocer que el tono con el que te dirigiste a mi y la actitud con la que lo hacias no son las adecuadas. En fin, haz lo que quieras, no me pondre pesado. Pero tenia que decirte esto...

Salud Millas!